The Tough Stuff: Why My Modesty Standards don’t Change Based on Occasion or Location
Hi ladies!
So, it’s been a long long while since I posted a “Tough Stuff” blog post, and this one here (the title at least) has been sitting in my drafts for over a year (insert embarrassed face emoji here). These types of posts are WHY I STARTED MY BLOG. And I know I put a lot of other fun fluff in here, but these are the types of things that have to be addressed before the fun stuff in my opinion.
When I write these posts I have to be 100% certain that I consciously don’t feel like a hypocrite. And I’m also embarrassed to say that there were some modesty things in my life that I was questioning which stopped me from writing and publishing this post. But, no more. I am thankful that I have had time to come clean with myself about certain attire choices I’ve made and I’m ready to correct them.
First of all, I want to explain my personal modesty beliefs:
- Skirts/Dresses/Pants come to (preferably past) the knee. I believe that the thigh should be covered when standing and sitting.
- Skirts/Dresses/Pants/Tops are not too form fitting.
- Tops are not too low in the front OR back.
- Tops cover the shoulder.
I know that many other modesty bloggers take their standards even further and only wear skirts and dresses, which I respect very much. But I just wanted to put these things out there for those who may not be sure of my standards, so that this post will make a little more sense.
Something that has always set wrong with me has been the idea that modesty standards are different depending on where you are, or where you are going.
I’ve heard people say “Well, I don’t think that is that immodest”.
There is just something very unsettling about that to me.
I live in northeast Ohio. We see all 4 seasons, so while it’s cold here a lot more than it is warm, we still see very hot summers and all the immodesty that comes with them. But when I’ve traveled South and West and attended local churches, I’ve noticed that in hotter climates, modesty standards were lower. And that makes me sad. I’m not just trying to pick on warmer climate places, but this is just one example of modesty being altered because of location.
Just because you may live in Florida, and it’s hot, doesn’t mean you have the right to wear spaghetti strapped tops and shorts or skirts above the knee. We’ve all been warm on the account of staying modest. Though sometimes uncomfortable, it’s not impossible! Even when it’s warm outside, we need to cover our bodies in a way that is pleasing to God. Our bodies are a temple, and not to be abused or shown off in a lascivious way. (1 Corinthians 6:18-20)
The first thing that pops into my head when I think about LOCATION is the beach.
The beach is great. Sand, sun, and snacks. What could go wrong?
Since I started blogging, I’ve followed many other Modest Bloggers and I’ve noticed that swimwear tends to be the number one thing that standards are suddenly lifted on.
I’m sorry, but you will not convince me that it is wrong to wear a dress that reveals the thigh, but a one piece bathing suit is suitable, modest swimwear. That argument holds no weight.
But even if you aren’t out in the ocean in a one piece, we still need to be covered like we would if we were in another LOCATION.
So I’m gonna be bold here and say: Wearing a bikini under a spaghetti strap cover up dress is not modest. Wearing athletic shorts or board shorts paired with an open back tankini top is not modest.
Just because you are more covered than everyone else, does not make you modest.
I feel very uncomfortable in a bikini at all- and it’s one of those judgement calls where you have to think- do the people walking by know that I’m not going to take this cover-up off? If they can tell you have one on, I personally just think it’s drawing near a line that you could be tempted to cross or could give the wrong impression.
I also feel that after saying the above I should provide some suitable alternative options:
But climate and the beach isn’t the only time I’ve noticed modesty standards are lowered.
Let’s address the obvious elephant in the room: Weddings.
It’s so sad, but mostly confusing to me that weddings seem to be an occasion where modesty standards are thrown out the window!
When a man and a woman stand at an alter to be married, they are in the presence of God. They are making a covenant with Him and each other to be together until death. WHY is that a good time to show your body off to the other men at the ceremony, 5 minutes before you commit yourself to one man for life?
I will just make this point- God is OMNI-present. He’s at that wedding, just as he is at the church building on Sunday.
The same goes for bridesmaids, but also for wedding guests.
And maybe just a little pictionary to further prove my point:
Would you wear any of these to a picnic?:
I’m going to go ahead and assume that the answer for the majority of the people reading this post is “no”.
So- why is this suddenly OK?
Is it because of the OCCASION? I think this is a hard question for a lot of people to ask themselves, but it must be considered.
The other OCCASION that I want to address is working out.
This is the area I struggle most with, and I’ve said it before.
In all honesty, my workout wardrobe was the reason it took me so long to write this post.
Here is the situation I faced:
I had a workout skirt with built in leggings. The skirt/legging combo was a size larger than I normally buy, so the leggings weren’t skin tight, but the whole combo was black, so you would have to look really close to see that they weren’t skin tight. The skirt that was attached was no longer than my fingertips when I put my arms to my sides. I really liked wearing this to run in because it was very comfortable. But I had to be honest with myself.
Every time I asked myself whether I would wear a normal skirt that length with leggings underneath, out and about or to a worship service, my answer was no, every time. So why was it OK for me to wear this workout skirt/legging combo to workout?
I shared this with you with hopes that you will be honest with yourself, and ask yourself these questions too. If the question is being raised, that in itself should be a red flag that something isn’t quite right.
If you’ve made it this far. Thank you for reading. If you have made it this far and you are mad- I just have one more thing to say: Ask yourself, honestly, why?
It’s not easy to be honest with why we dress the way we do on certain occasions or in certain locations, but we must be. Just like I had to be, in order to finally write this post.
If this only helps one person re-assess and make necessary changes to their wardrobe, it will have been successful. I just sincerely care about the image that Christian women give to the world. And I hope and pray that your image, sets you apart.
I’d love to hear your thoughts, whether it be in the comments or via email on the contact page.
keep on keeping on, friends.
Amen, sister! Thank you for being bold and posting this! I know it’s a lot scarier putting posts like this out into the world, but this is really important, and sometimes it’s good for people to get upset initially if it will prompt them to examine themselves. It makes me sad that so many of us as Christians dress way less modestly than Muslims or Jews or even Mormons. Those religions are not the truth, and I obviously don’t think we should be following ALL their clothing standards, but we have the word of truth, and we need to be holding ourselves to a higher standard.
I agree, Hannah! We have to live in the world, but we are not of the world. And I think that more and more you can’t tell the difference with how we dress. Thank you for reading, and for your stand for modesty!
Thank you for this article. Especially, thank you for discussing “the elephant in the room,” WEDDINGS. This appears to be so hard for some young women, and their mothers. When a “wedding” is planned, often times, good judgment flies out the window. Also, thank you for giving us insight into how you came to your decision about work-out wear. It is usually more difficult quarreling with your inner self and coming to the proper conclusion, than it is trying to point something out to others. You did well. Hopefully, admitting this will help others face their own questions and answer them honestly. Again, thank you, Taylor. Great Job!!
Thank you, Mimi!
Thank you so much for this article. Modesty standards continue to get more and more lax in so many ways. I agree wholeheartedly with the standards you have set for yourself. Those are my standards too and I raised my girls the same way. One area of immodesty you did not mention is sports attire, such as volleyball, basketball, etc. The spandex shorts worn especially in volleyball are just like wearing your underwear. I have often wondered what the parents of these girls would think if she wore those shorts to worship service on Sundays? I know there are many who have fought the coaches and have been able to put modest clothing on their girls so they can play volleyball and be dressed modestly. I have never understood how a father especially would want his daughter’s body on display in this way! Satan is working overtime and he is beginning to win. Every time we lower our standards just a little bit, it gets easier to lower them a little more the next time until we are no longer modest at all. There is a movement out right now that modesty is in our hearts not how we dress. It is true that we must have a heart that wants to do what is right but God has set standards for modesty and we need to study and follow His word. Thank you again for a great article!
Great points, Michelle! I appreciate your stance for modesty and I agree, the devil is always on the prowl, and every time he wins a battle we are de-sensitized a little bit more to this issue. Thanks for reading!
What an encouraging start to my day! Thank you for your honesty and stand for truth, in your post. And I am so thankful for the others that commented, that are also standing strong in the faith in this area. For those of us that were not taught this or had veered from what we were taught, this is a really hard lesson to learn and apply. It’s even harder when there is such inconsistency, even among God’s children. Modesty truly is a matter of the heart, and applies not only to our mode of dress but to our entire lifestyle. Thank you for caring enough to share this, I appreciate you so much!! ♥️
Thank you, Jen. Thank you for always encouraging ME! It is a hard lesson, but one that brings growth and strength when we let it. Thank you for reading, as always <3
Good read! This would be very good and helpful to any girl (boys too) who is converted to Christianity as I believe this would be one of the hardest things for them to grasp especially at the beach.
Thanks, Matt! I appreciate your insight on this. Thanks for reading!
Well said Taylor. God has given us an instruction manual for how we should live our lives. We just need to allow His instructions to permeate our thoughts and actions.
Thank you for your courage and love for your sisters.
I’m so proud (in the best sense of the word) of the Christian woman you’ve become.
Mom
Thanks, Mom! I am thankful that you instilled the modesty standards you did in me. <3
Thanks so much for this post! I think it’s safe to say that your blog is my favorite to read because you put out posts like this. Real deal struggles we all face that need to be addressed. So thank you for putting this out there- I needed to see this today and think about what changes I need to make in my wardrobe.
Thanks for reading! It’s not easy to point the finger at yourself. I’m glad this was able to help you. xoxo -Taylor
Preach it, Taylor! haha! I love this post. It’s honestly so true. I see so many people uphold modesty until they go to the beach or workout and it’s just confusing. Those times can kind of stretch you though because it’s just a bit harder to stay modest. And I’ve never understood how some people will wear a swimsuit that let’s just say show their thighs, but they would never think about wearing shorts or something that showed that. Something to think about, and maybe your post will help people do just that 😉
Aw, thanks Elizabeth. I always appreciate your stand for modesty!
I honestly can hardly believe that SCRIPTURALLY SOUND information regarding modesty is still existent in regularly maintained, up to date blogs. At least in this one it is. This is incredible. Wonderful article, Mrs. Taylor! I discovered you yesterday when I found another exceptional article regarding jeans. Liked the title as well, “Girl, you look good in those genes.” lol. Beautiful job! Thank you for not compromising the truth in order to “go with the flow”, so to speak. We mustn’t be afraid to rock to boat when it comes to speaking out against error and standing for the truth of God’s infallible word.
Hi Kennedi! Thank you so much for your kind words, and for your stand for the truth!
Absolutely wonderful! I agree one hundred percent! All my life I have been taught the importance of modestly. I see it thrown out the window for so many occasions even among members of my own faith. Point taken..in our area, our religion is the main religion of the majority of people. A year or two ago we went to a Junior Prom parade to see our son and his date. They show off all the couples in a promenade for the parents to see. Out of an entire class of students, I probably only saw a handful of dresses that I would be comfortable with my daughters in. With this kind of surrounding pressure, it is difficult to keep instilling this into my own daughters. My oldest daughter still looks at the styles and longs to wear them, despite the fact that she doesn’t do it… but she is “tempted!” I am so glad to hear that there are others out there that view modesty the same way I do. I just found your site today and I want to tell you thank you for standing up for what you believe in. I could go on, but you have summed it all up very well. Thank you again.