The Tough Stuff: Hearts and Hemlines (Part 1)

I’ve decided (very last minute) to make this a multi-part topic. There is a lot to cover when talking about this, and a lot to consider. I encourage you to read my other posts for some context on this because I’ve dabbled in this area in previous posts but not like this. Please share your thoughts or questions. Feel free to comment or email me privately. I apologize if it seems a bit scattered, sometimes it is difficult to focus on just one area because it is part of a much bigger whole- so bear with me :-).

Today I want to talk about something that I’ve struggled with and I’ve seen people around me struggling with. I’ve mainly struggled with it because I’m discouraged by the seemingly lack of caring towards this issue.

Hemlines.

I was always raised that you shouldn’t wear anything above your knee, whether it be shorts or skirts, or dresses. When I was growing up I didn’t really question this. In High School I started to wonder why this was seemingly the rule. ‘Mom, no one is going to lust after my knee cap’ was usually my snarky remark when I was told that my hemline was too high. But let’s explore this a bit further.

I hesitate on these rules because really this is a heart issue first and foremost- whether we wear modest clothing in general comes down to self; A humble spirit that has no desire to cause others harm or sinful lust or draw attention to ourselves. When I made smart remarks like the one above, it was because I had a heart issue. I was fortunately raised in a home where things like this were enforced heavily and so I’ve found myself quick to judge, and yet… often found myself questioning whether my dress is just a tad too short or not. The last thing I want to be is hypocritical. But, honestly, maybe this just needs a little reinforcement and maybe some people just don’t know or haven’t thought about it.

The legging revolution has been a big impact on fashion. And in some respects, it has made some immodest apparel wearable by those of us trying to live a modest lifestyle. (See my post on a modest workout). I think in circumstances where our skirts are a bit short or our dresses just graze above the knee cap, leggings are a very viable option to make your look modest but still stylish. But something I’ve seen around me, particularly by young women who I always thought to be very modest, is hemlines several inches above the knee, without any sort of leggings, skyscraper high splits that reveal the mid-thigh, and unbelievably tight, body contouring fitted pencil skirts that are very immodest while standing and when sitting down. This is troubling me. It has caused me to re-evaluate my wardrobe multiple times a week. I constantly question whether something is modest without having to tug on the hemline or pull up my cami so I’m not revealing my chest. I’ve worn things to work and while I’m getting ready think I’m good and modest, but by the end of the day realize I had to work really hard to keep that modest…so buh bye it is. (See my post on balancing modesty and practicality).

I remember being very irritated when my mom would tell me something was too short, or that whatever I was wearing over my leggings was still revealing too much thigh. I always changed, and I thought EVERYONE’S mom was saying things like this to them; so I eventually cooled down and got over it. But I’m so sad to see that not everyone’s mom is saying this to their daughter(s). It makes your temptation so much harder to deal with because it doesn’t seem like anyone else cares! Looking back now, I realize how much my mom cared for me to tell me those things. She cared about my self image, and well-being, and the way I portrayed myself to society so much that she dealt with me fighting back to help me. I’m so very thankful for that now. Ladies, I know it might seem annoying now, but know that the person watching out for you, the mom or dad or grandma that seems like they just spy on you and are constantly watching you to see what you are wearing, is only doing it out of love and concern. You will thank them someday.

Talking with a very good friend relating to these things, she expressed to me her experience growing up and wondered why no one told her what she was wearing was immodest. She honestly, just didn’t know what the standards were, but she said to me in so many words ‘Did no one love me enough or care about me enough to tell me what I was wearing was immodest? Even at church, I thought that because I was wearing a skirt- even though it was a skin tight mini skirt- I was modest. Why didn’t anyone tell me?’ This was a really eye opening point for me. In some cases we need to give people some slack, maybe they just don’t know. Maybe we can kindly and meekly pull them aside and tell them that it is discouraging us to see them wearing immodest clothes and that we care about them so much that we felt the need to speak up. For those of you that do know, and for whatever reason, are allowed to walk out of the house the way you do- this is a matter of an immodest heart. No trend is worth losing your soul over, or having a bad reputation. Mothers AND Fathers should keep close eye on what their children walk out of the house in. It’s YOUR NAME they are representing.

Answering the question WHY?

So WHY  do we have the standards that we do? I know everyone’s might be slightly different, but here are my personal reasons and guidelines for why I wear dresses at and below the knee. And why I cover my thigh.

First off- dealing with a modest heart.

I like the way this blogger explained this topic and I really encourage you to read what she  has to say as well…

“In the Bible, when women are admonished to dress modestly, it is always within the context of her relationship with God, and never within the context of her sexual relationship with a man or men.”

“A woman came to meet him

dressed like a prostitute,

having a hidden agenda.

She is loud and defiant;

her feet do not stay at home.”

Proverbs 7:10-11

This woman described in Proverbs did not have a modest heart and her relationship with God and man was immodest. Obviously this is an extreme case, but it brings us to the point that why we put a particular piece of clothing on has to do with our heart and our motives. Do you secretly want others to look at you? Do you want to make other people (boys or girls) jealous? These are immodest motives. Likewise, we could have an immodest heart even if we adorn ourselves with modest apparel, but are secretly living an ungodly life- which is also wrong.

These standards ring true into the New Testament where we are told to dress modestly, not to draw attention to ourselves by our clothes, but by our good works.

I don’t encourage this version regularly, but I like how the ‘Easy-To-Read’ Version puts this passage:

And I want the women to make themselves attractive in the right way. Their clothes should be sensible and appropriate. They should not draw attention to themselves with fancy hairstyles or gold jewelry or pearls or expensive clothes. But they should make themselves attractive by the good things they do. That is more appropriate for women who say they are devoted to God.

2 Timothy 2:9,10

Your beauty should not consist of outward things like elaborate hairstyles and the wearing of gold ornaments or fine clothes.  Instead, it should consist of what is inside the heart with the imperishable quality of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is very valuable in God’s eyes.

1 Peter 3:3,4

Notice that throughout all of this, there is no age discrimination. This applies to all women and in some cases- men.

A woman shall not wear a man’s garment, nor shall a man put on a woman’s cloak, for whoever does these things is an abomination to the Lord your God.

Deuteronomy 22:5

Likewise, you who are younger, be subject to the elders. Clothe yourselves, all of you, with humility toward one another, for “God opposes the proud but gives grace to the humble.” Humble yourselves, therefore, under the mighty hand of God so that at the proper time he may exalt you

1 Peter 5:5,6

Older women likewise are to be reverent in behavior, not slanderers or slaves to much wine. They are to teach what is good, and so train the young women to love their husbands and children, to be self-controlled, pure, working at home, kind, and submissive to their own husbands, that the word of God may not be reviled.

Titus 2:3-5

Second- What is nakedness?

The old testament mentions ‘nakedness’ multiple times and in those cases, it mentions the thigh being uncovered.

Isaiah 47:2-3 says, “Take the millstones, and grind meal: uncover thy locks, make bare the leg, uncover the thigh, pass over the rivers. Thy nakedness shall be uncovered, yea, thy shame shall be seen: I will take vengeance, and I will not meet thee as a man.”

The definition of ‘thigh’ is “the part of the lower limb in humans between the hip and the knee.“

I know it can be hard to find skirts and dresses long enough. Especially if you are tall. But, honestly, I don’t think there are any valid excuses. You CAN find modest skirts and dresses. Whether they are thrifted or not, they are out there. Check out modli.co. There are TONS of stylish items there. ThredUp has tens of thousands of items and is constantly adding more. If you are tall, you can sort your items by that. I know that Old Navy offers petite AND tall versions in pants and skirts and dresses. My cousin and I have had great luck with modest dresses and skirts in the  Eva Mendes Collection at New York and Company. There shouldn’t be a reason why we buy a mini skirt, a maxi skirt with a thigh high split, or a skin tight body con dress. If you want to find modest clothes. You will. Period.

 

Here are some of my favorite pieces. They are comfortable, modest, and practical.

Dress // Thrift Store – $6 // Shoes // BCBGeneration- DSW – $30

Dress // Eva Mendes for NY&C // Shoes // Burlington Coat factory

Dress // Thrift Store – $3 // Shoes // DSW – $12

Skirt // J.Crew via Thrift Store – $3 // Shoes // Nine West via Thrift Store – $4 // Black Cardigan // Old Navy via Consignment – $6

Thanks for reading. Please share your thoughts.

Keep on keeping on,