The Tough Stuff: Rethinking the Size Complex

This post has taken me a while. It’s been brewing in my mind for some time now, and I’ve struggled on how to dive into this topic, so I’m going to do just that…

Dive in.

I guess where this post really began was with my recent ‘denim’ mental breakdown. (You probably think I’m writing this from the funny farm right now, but hear me out) After my crazy closet purge (that I still might be suffering from); I’m down from 5 jean skirts and a denim dress to 2 denim skirts. I also got rid of several pairs of jeans that I knew for sure would not fit but I broke one of my rules– I didn’t try everything on right away. I know I already did a post on the denim skirt and jeans, but after weeks of wardrobe re-evaluation and SIMPLIFICATION- I ran into a deeper problem. I went to get dressed for work a few weeks ago – casual Friday – jeans. I grabbed a pair of flares I’ve had since *cough* high school *cough* but they’ve always fit! They were even too big at one point! Needless to say- I couldn’t get them past my hips. My husband thought I was being ridiculous of course. Taylor, how long have you had those jeans? Cotton breaks down. We all can’t wear our 6th grade jean jackets anymore. Yes yes I KNOW, but the *size complex* that all along I thought everyone but me was suffering from hit me like a bomb.

For some reason I thought I was immune to the *size complex* as I call it. I was never afraid of the number or size on the tag. If it fit, and I felt good, I bought it regardless. So, when I tried on these thrifted (at least 5 years ago), Abercrombie & Fitch (which is Junior sizing- so I shouldn’t be surprised) flared jeans that *should have* fit; I freaked!

Here is the series of feeling I went through the rest of the morning as I got ready:

• Anger

  • Now I’m going to be late and I’m fat. (No matter what size you are, I’m pretty sure all women have had this thought run thought their head at one point or another)

• Bargaining

  • Now I can look for a new pair of jeans…aka- SHOPPING!!

• Depression

  • How could I let this happen???

• Acceptance

  • Don’t be so hard on yourself. It’s not like I’ve completely let myself go. I started to realize that maybe the jeans that no longer ‘fit’ never actually ‘fit modestly’. If I was to pull out the jeans I have now and look at the sizes, a lot of them are much too form fitting to wear modestly by themselves. Maybe I was always wearing my jeans too tight. I now have a higher standard of modesty for myself and I want to stick to it. I’m finally being honest with myself and that – I could be proud of.

What I really want to focus on is Acceptance. Making the choice to wear modest clothing is a powerful and life changing thing. It’s something you should be proud of, it’s something that should emanate the person you are inside. After this little ordeal of mine I realized something. After several months of blogging and shopping and purging and studying, I was finally figuring out what modesty meant to me, what modesty was, how to achieve it, and why it was so important.

Being conscientious of the details in an outfit that could potentially make it immodest and choosing to remedy them in the best way you know how is something you learn over time, but in the end it is a choice you make every time you get dressed. Here’s what I mean by that:

• Your v-neck is a tad too low. When you bend over, it’s definitely too low. You choose to put on a camisole or half tee, or layer it with another top/cardigan.
• Your pants are a bit tight in the bottom but looser every where else. You decide to wear a long cardigan or vest to cover up the tightness.

This is no longer a body thing or a size thing. This is a heart thing. This is an act of maturity, humility, and self restraint.

The size on your tag doesn’t have to make you feel shame. We should not have self esteem issues knowing that we  are dressing with dignity. But we are human, so sometimes it happens. You are beautiful just the way God made you, so, instead, next time you pull the larger size off the rack, not because you necessarily have to, but because you choose to in order to wear the item modestly; Think of that number on the tag as your new found strength, you are that many times stronger to fight the temptation of wearing immodest apparel.

I am *enter size here* times stronger and more confident in the choice I’m making to wear modest clothing.

I am in no way trying to suggest that modest clothing can’t show that you have womanly curves. What I’m trying to emulate is that the clothing we wear should not be body hugging skin tight or revealing, and we should know when it is and how to fix the problem areas. We should make up in our minds that we aren’t going to walk out of the house in something that is ‘on the fence’ so to speak.

Since I really focused on pants in this post, here are a few ways I remedy some immodest issues:

These pants were too tight on they own and this tunic dress too short. However, put them together and you have a cute and easy modest outfit. I layered a half tee with it.

These dress jeans fit well but I was uncomfortable with how tight they were in the back. I grabbed this tan vest cardigan and gave my l00k a modest 70’s vibe.

What do you think? How do you get through those days when you’re low on self confidence?

Keep on Keeping on,