The Tough Stuff: Girl, You Look Good in those Genes

Hello! First off. Let me just start by saying this post was really difficult for me to write. It was difficult because I KNOW I am guilty of all of the things I list below as being immodest. I’ve been working on this post since before I launched my blog. So, I want to make a blanket statement apology if I have ever offended (and I know I have- I’m sorry, Mom) anyone with the way I have presented myself in jeans.

Phew. Ok.

Blue Jeans. You have your favorite pair. Broken in just right, you could practically sleep in them. But when we see an advertisement for denim jeans today, they typically don’t resemble a comfortable woman curled up in a flannel on the couch (unless you’re shopping at Coldwater Creek- I love you, Mom.) And you know what, it might not be such a bad idea!

(P.S.- I know it might seem like I rag on my mom a lot in my posts but she is the single person I’ve shopped most with in my life and she is totally not offended (I asked her) and I love my Mama ;-))

Nowadays the jeans in magazine ads practically suffocate you right off the page. Denim styles have become so ‘skinny’ that they don’t even make them out of denim anymore. They’re basically all spandex, dyed blue. Hence, the jegging revolution. The new way to be comfy in jeans is to make them resemble tights and call them pants. Now to me, they aren’t comfortable, They ride up in places your jeans shouldn’t be and they are not flattering on the majority of the human population. (See my post about modest workout clothing for more on how I feel about leggings) That being said, these facts clearly haven’t stopped anyone from buying and wearing these jeans. Do you feel good in them? It’s ok if you do. But let me give you an illustration you may not have thought of. Let’s see if your good feeling persists…

You walk into a restaurant with your family or boyfriend or girlfriends wearing your brand new skinny jeans. They fit like a glove. You feel like a rockstar. Heads turn, but you look ahead. First the waiter cleaning the table you just passed. Then, the old man eating all by himself in the corner booth. The man feeding his 2 year old son, sitting next to his wife, followed by their older 14 year old son. You just caused a lot of thoughts by walking by. A lot of thoughts in men that have no business thinking them about you. You may have caused any one of them to think sinful thoughts and they may have turned those thoughts into sinful actions later on by looking at more things they shouldn’t. You could also have caused envy and jealousy in the women whose attention was drawn by what their man was looking at.

We are responsible for what we put on. And to an extent, we are responsible for what other people think of us, and how they perceive us. Obviously we are not all perfect. I would never claim to be. We can’t be responsible for everything men think. Some men might think you look ‘hot’ in a brown paper bag. We can’t control that. But girls aren’t stupid. I really believe they know subliminally what they are doing. Unfortunately, you are not only stirring up thoughts in your teenage crush, you are stirring up thoughts in husbands, and fathers. Being a new wife, my eyes have been opened so much to this issue that I fear my husband could see things scrolling through social media that he never meant to see. I care about him, and I want him to only think of me. But no one can un-see something. So, next time you think about posting that revealing selfie, or photo of you and your friends at a concert in painted on jeans and half of a shirt, think of who might look at that and turn thoughts regarding that into horrible actions.

If you’ve made it this far, your first reaction with my statements above might be anger or frustration. “Why should I be restricted because of what guys think, it’s not my fault that they have dirty minds”. I can see what you might be feeling. But let’s just be completely honest with ourselves for a moment. The signs and signals that men struggle and are attracted by our tight pants are everywhere! They even tell us themselves in just about EVERY song on the radio today. My husband told me when I bent down to pick something up last week. It’s fine for his eyes, but what if I caused someone else to have impure thoughts while I was out earlier that day in those jeans? (FYI-Those jeans are being donated). This is all strictly opinion and you can take it for what it’s worth. For the wives and mothers of daughters (and sons for that matter), I think you can probably relate. Don’t let your selfish pride and confidence in those jeans cause others to stumble. We have to be the bigger person and take responsibility for the fact that we are in control and actively make decisions about why we dress the way we do. Modesty is more than covering our private body parts. It’s a mindset that goes so much deeper. It should surround us and every choice we make when we put an article of clothing on. Starting this blog and reading this book have really changed my mindset for the better. I thought I dressed modestly before I began blogging, but there were still things I needed/need to change.

So what kind of jeans can I wear?

The purpose of this post was in no way to crush confidence. You’ll notice the title is ‘Girl, you look good in those genes”. And you do. Our womanly beauty is a gift and we should embrace it; but we should embrace it modestly, and with humility. I can guarantee you will look AND feel better in a pair of jeans that fit you a bit looser and you will feel more respect when approached by a man because of your dignity, not your behind.

Buying jeans is hard. I have to admit that if the waist didn’t fit when I tried them on, my natural reaction was always to buy a size down. Last year I was training for a marathon and I was probably in the best shape of my life. I liked that I could ‘fit’ into smaller sizes. It’s tempting to show your hard work off to the world. After all, your legs are covered. This was a misconception I had. An ignorance really. Well, buying a size down is not the solution and we don’t have to be genius seamstresses to alter a pair of jeans in the waist. Low, and behold this do-hickey!!

I got mine at Ulta but have seen them elsewhere (there is a link on the picture). Now, those looser fitting jeans won’t completely fall off you and you can remain modest!

5 tips for buying/wearing modest jeans:

1. Avoid anything that says ‘super skinny’ or ‘jegging’. These are obviously key words that tell us before we try something on, that it is going to be tight. Too tight. A couple of key words you might want to look for is ‘boyfriend fit’ or ‘relaxed’. If you buy American Eagle Brand I have had good luck with the ‘AE Artist’ style jeans. I’ve also had luck with multiple styles at The Gap. They don’t have to look like ‘mom jeans’ (no offense to any moms) even if they do fit a bit looser. Honestly, depending on how you are built, you might need something that is more resembling of a ‘mom jean’ that doesn’t hug every curve, comes up above the belly button and is still flattering. I want to point out that ‘Mom jeans’ have made a comeback. Just sayin’.
2. Bring a few sizes into the changing room and try on the biggest ones first. Our brains have been programmed by society to look at the size or number on our clothing as a trophy. No one sees the tag. And anyone stuffed in a size too small is going to look twice as big as they would in something that actually fits them. Bring in a couple of sizes to the dressing room. Try on the biggest ones first. Move around, jump up and down. If they fall right off, try on the next size down. If they are a bit big in the waist, but look nice everywhere else, consider a belt or the ‘hip hugger’ I mentioned above. If we never see the smallest size, who cares. It’s one less temptation for us to squeeze into them.
3. Opt for flared or bootcut style jeans. I know that straight leg jeans are here to stay, but if you aren’t wearing a long top, skinny jeans can be hard to modestly pull off without looking sloppy. I am personally a huge fan of the bootcut style. They look nice with a bit looser fit and can be dressed up very easily in a dark wash color. Flared jeans come and go every few years so if you find a pair you love- keep them. A broken in pair of jeans is hard to replicate. However, if you are totally determined to keep the straight leg style, go to the thrift store and look for older jeans. I’ve found jeans made 5-7 years ago have little to no spandex in them.
4. Shop with an accountability partner. Bring someone with you who will be totally honest about whether your pants are too tight. I bring my mom. I know she’ll tell me what’s up. Bring your best friend. Bring your husband. Set rules and stick to them. If you have someone with you, you can’t cheat.
5. HANG DRYYYYYY. Hang dry your jeans 🙂 Stretch them out a bit when you get them out of the washer and hang them somewhere to dry! Sometimes I even put them in the dryer for 5-10 minutes to dissipate the wrinkles and then stretch and hang them! This way they don’t get all clingy and tight when you first put them on!

On a lighter note: If you are still not concerned about the modesty issue with tight jeans can we take a moment to recognize the health issue? This is an article about a woman in the UK who was hospitalized and suffered severe nerve damage from wearing skinny jeans. Just sayin’…

Here are a few examples of what I think to be a modest way to wear jeans. My tunic post a few weeks ago was my way of showing you some more ways of wearing jeans modestly, and a way to cover tightness up if necessary.

I hope this has been thought provoking. I got rid of almost all my jeans (and several pencil skirts) after reading The Modest Heart. No lie. I walked in my closet and already knew what wasn’t appropriate without even trying them on. It took me too long, but all I have to say is- better late than never. I’d appreciate your thoughts on this subject matter. It’s always nice to know we’re not alone in our struggles and I hope this has been an encouragement to you.

Keep on keeping on,